


Do It For the Vine

by yourdilemma



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comedy, Humor, M/M, Neighbors AU, Oneshot, Vine AU, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9189344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourdilemma/pseuds/yourdilemma
Summary: Keith lives next to this crazy guy named Lance McClain, who has recently surged in fame on Vine. Getting verified on the app, he has begun to do the most insane things for the sake of views on his vines. Keith gets fed up, shit happens, and he somehow ends up helping him???





	

**Author's Note:**

> In loving memory of Vine and Keith's dignity
> 
> Many thanks to my friend Angie who gave me the ideas for Lance's vines as well as Joe Sugg, who gave me the idea with the cups of water.

All Keith wanted was some goddamn peace and quiet. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so.

He angrily stood up from his desk and went to the window. There was that stupid neighbor of his, riding in a trash can down a street. He sighed loudly. Everyone else in this neighborhood was normal...why did he have to live on the same street, in the house right next door? 

Keith massaged his temples, irritated. He stormed out of his house and saw the bothersome man-child talking excitedly to another man. 

"Hunk, this is going to be a great one!" the stupid neighbor enthused. "I feel like we really captured the essence of-"

Keith cleared his throat. "Mr. McClain?" The two men looked at him. "May I ask what exactly you're doing?"

McClain grinned. "Why, we're filming a vine, of course!" He threw an arm around Keith's shoulders. "And Lance is fine. Mr. McClain is my father. Keith Kogane, right?" The mentioned party nodded stiffly. "How about you help us film a few more?"

"Oh, no." He removed Lance's arm, which fell limply to its owner's side. "No, no thank you. I'd prefer not to film any 'vines' with you." He crossed his arms. "I actually came over to ask you to keep it down. Some of us are trying to work."

"Pftah!" Lance looked insulted. "Vine IS work. It's my job now!"

"Lovely." Keith scrunched up his face. "Well, I hope you have fun with that. Just keep the noise level to a minimum."

Lance cocked his head to the side and looked Keith up and down, much to the other's discomfort. His face slowly formed into a grin. "How about we make a deal, Keith?"

Keith narrowed his eyes. "What? For what? What kind of deal are you talking about?"

* * *

It was a stupid deal. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Keith cursed under his breath as he ducked into a corridor, barely avoiding being caught by one of the staff members. This was such a bad idea...He hurriedly unlocked the door and ushered Lance in. Hunk, like a smart man, had gone home, saying he had to take care of his wife and kids. He'd asked Keith if he was married or had any children, to which the latter shook his head. He was a bachelor and would like to remain that way, thank you very much.

"Ahaha, this is going to be great!" Lance giggled like a child as he slipped a CD into the CD rom drive. He pressed play, setting the volume to maximum, and grabbed Keith. "C'mon, let's get out of here!"

They somehow managed to merge with the customers, who were either left awestruck at the rapid flow of Spanish or cackling manically. Lance sang along, filming the entire thing. Keith made sure to stay out of the camera's range. When it was finally shut off, he giggled, stopped the recording, and walked out of the Walmart with Keith trailing behind him.

"What was the point of that?" Keith asked slowly.

"The point? The point, Keith, my boy, was that it was fun. Didn't you get an adrenaline rush from it?" Lance grinned.

The other man sighed. "Can I go home now?"

Lance tutted, waggling a finger in front of the other's face. "Uh uh uh, nope. The deal was that you would help me film a few vines, and after that, I'll keep the noise level to decent human being."

"A few...I agreed to five." Keith covered his eyes with his hand. "I see now what a challenge this will be."

Lance merely grinned and led the boy to terrorize their next victim(s).

* * *

"You are officially the dumbest person I have ever known," the black-haired male remarked to Lance, shading his eyes and holding the phone up.

The taller of the two merely gave him a cheeky grin and tightened the ropes attached to their makeshift hooks and around his waist. He gave Keith a thumbs up.

"And so the plight of stupidity begins," Keith mumbled before shouting, "Go!" and pressing record.

Lance jumped off of the roof of his single-story house, a huge grin on his stupid ass face. The jump ropes kept him from faceplanting onto the ground, which, without a doubt, would have landed the idiot in the hospital. His nose barely grazed his lawn. 

"Holy shit! That was singlehandedly the most terrifying experience of my life!" Lance exclaimed, still with a giant, goofy grin on his face. He looked up at a slack-jawed Keith, who was still recording. "Did you get all that?"

Keith shook himself out of his daze. "Y-yeah. I did." He sighed, running his hand through his hair. That was when he noticed that Lance was tied up like a strung up chicken, dangling from the roof. He started laughing.

"Wh-what's so funny?" Lance demanded. He squirmed. "Help me out, stop laughing!" Keith was wheezing. "KEITH!" 

Keith recorded the whole thing. 

* * *

"Dios mío, mi espalda todavía me duele," Lance complained as they entered a KFC. "Did you really have to drop me?"

Keith smirked. "I figured it would be all right. It's not like I was handling anything delicate or important, anyway." Lance squawked in protest, but Keith had already moved into the line. "I'm starved," he said, eyeing the menu hungrily.

"What do you want to get?" Lance pulled out his wallet, wincing slightly as his elbow popped. "Lunch is on me."

The other looked at him, eyebrow raised. The only response he got was a shrug, so he just decided to take it. "I'll have a Doublicious."

Keith allowed his gaze to wander. The restaurant was a bit small, but clean and not uncomfortably crowded. They went to pick out a table by the window and wait for their food. They sat in silence, scrolling on their phones, until their number was called.

Lance stood up hurriedly. "I'll get it!" He put his phone down and went over to the counter. Keith watched him, not noticing the way Lance had placed his phone: leaning against the pepper shaker, the camera getting a clear shot. 

Keith's eyes popped out of his head when he saw how many bags Lance had. There were so many, he had four trays' worth of stuff. "Jesus, Lance, what did you order?"

"Just about everything on the menu." He flashed a grin. "Times two. I'm hungry."

Sighing, Keith unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite while Lance opened his tray of nuggets. "Holy shit, how many nuggets are in that thing?"

"Enough."

"Enough?"

Lance only smiled slyly at him, popping a nugget into his mouth. A few minutes later, Keith regretted ever coming to this place with Lance and cursed himself for thinking they would have a normal lunch break.

He was huddling under a table as chicken flew across the restaurant from both sides. Keith let a Japanese curse out, his eyes scanning his surroundings for the perpetrator of this event. 

There he was, that cocky bastard. Keith's eyes narrowed, watching the lanky man lob breaded chicken at the adults and children on the other end of the restaurant. He was filming everything. Keith looked at both sides, then at the chicken. He sighed, then gritted his teeth.

He bolted out from under the table, causing everyone to pause in surprise. He used the shock to his advantage and speedily grabbed Lance, who wailed, "My chicken!" The black-haired man dragged the brown-haired one out of the door before they could be arrested for civil unruliness.

Needless to say, Lance has since been banned from that KFC.

* * *

"C'mon, admit it," teased Lance. "You're having fun."

He was.

"Nope, not at all." Keith shook his head.

This was the most fun he'd had in a long time.

"Well, this next skit I have planned is going to be a great one because it'll star YOU!"

"What?!" screeched Keith.

 

Since Keith was wearing a red polo (lol what a nerd), he was giving the honor of being the fake Target employee. He exchanged his jeans for Lance's (ugly) khakis and prepared to be kicked out of Target. 

"Here." Lance handed him a name tag reading _Petrude_. "Snagged this from the office."

Keith took it, his nose wrinkling as he read the name. "How is this an actual name?"

Lance sniggered. "I have no idea. But it'll add more of a comedic effect. Go get 'em, Petrude."

Keith was ready to slap him.

 

Lance followed Keith as he wandered between aisles, keeping his phone trained on him. Keith's first customer was an elderly woman.

"Excuse me, do you work here?" Keith turned and she read his nametag. "Ah, yes...Petrude. Petrude? That's my sister's name! Oh goodness, I thought it was a girl's name! Well, I suppose it suits you as well." She looked at his mullet and he could feel his jaw tighten. Lance, meanwhile, was trying really hard not to explode with laughter.

"Anyway, I'm searching for some oven mitts-"

"Aisle 15, bitch." 

"Excuse me?!"

Keith walked off.

His next customer was a teenage boy with ginger hair and a spray of freckles across his face. "Hi, you work here, right?" Keith grunted in response, flipping his hair out of his face. Lance almost choked at how _fucking emo_ he was. 

The ginger crossed his arms, clearly miffed. "Well, I need you to get me the pudding at the top." He pointed at it. Keith raised an eyebrow at it, then scaled the shelves and grabbed it. He tossed it carelessly to the customer, who barely managed to catch it.

"Have a nice day and fuck you."

The red-haired teenager was left spluttering with a package of cheap pudding in his hands. 

Keith got to a grand total of 7 customers before he was caught and kicked out. He texted Lance, "Where are you?"

A few minutes later, Lance strolled out, a bag on his arm. "Just shopping, don't you worry." He patted the ex-Target employee on the cheek. "Great first day on the job, though."

Lance might've been mistaken, but he thought he saw Keith smile.

* * *

"This is the last one," Keith said tonelessly.

Lance glanced over at him, unable to decipher his expression. He'd never admit it, but he was going to miss doing crazy stuff with Keith. The dude was fun when he wasn't being a total ass.

"Yeah," he replied. He put on a smile and held up the Target bag. "Take a look at what we have in store for poor little Hunk." Keith took a peek and snorted, quickly covering up his nose and mouth afterwards.

Lance looked at him in amusement. It was kind of cute, the way Keith blushed pink. They continued their walk back in silence.

 

10:46 PM. Hunk slept with the door open and had non-squeaky floorboards. Perfect factors for a perfect crime. Lance set up the room-cam to record everything that would unfold.

Lance pulled a Furby out of the bag and quietly placed it on Hunk's pillow, right in front of his face. He also placed a Shrek Chia on his roommate's bedside table, which caused him to grin widely.

Keith entered with a tray filled with cups of water. He silently handed it to Lance, but the glint in his midnight blue eyes made Lance suck in a low breath. And then he was gone, going to fill more cups up. Lance carefully placed the cups close to each other, surrounding Hunk's bed and taking up all the floor space in the room.

About 20 minutes later, they stood back and admired their work. After a noiseless high-five, they went back to Lance's room and crashed, their antics of the day having exhausted them.

 

At 9 AM the next morning, the two were awoken by Hunk's shriek and a thud against the wall. "Guess he found the Furby," Lance chuckled.

Keith groaned and shifted. Lance froze and turned to find Keith next to him in bed. Not only that, but his arms were wrapped tightly around his torso. Lance felt a blush creep up onto his cheeks and admired the sleeping beauty.

Keith's eyes slowly fluttered open and his arms left Lance, leaving him a bit disappointed and cold. Lance sat up, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked over at the other man. "Want to see how our little experiment went?"

"Noooo," moaned Keith. "I want to sleep more..." His eyes opened once more and he realized he wasn't in his own bed. He shot up and saw Lance sitting on the bed beside him. "Sorry! Ack, I fell asleep on your bed...I'm really sorry. That was rude of me."

Lance laughed and shook his head. "It's cool, man. Don't worry about it. You were tired last night. So was I. We both just crashed. Besides, now I can say we've slept together." He waggled his eyebrows and Keith scoffed, but looked at Lance fondly. 

 

They found Hunk sitting on his bed, at least 15 empty plastic cups surrounding him as he drank another one dry.

"Thirsty, Hunk?" Lance grinned, leaning against the doorway.

Hunk swallowed and glared at the brunette. "You just had to go and waste all of this water by playing a stupid prank on me, didn't you, Lance?" He noticed the mullet behind his friend. "Keith, you were in on this, too?"

Keith came out sheepishly from behind the taller man. "Sorry, Hunk. But it was the last one."

Hunk sighed, tossing the cup and picking up a new one. He chugged that one down, too. "I know you probably wanted me to walk and spill water everywhere, right? Well, I woke up and my throat was dry, so I thought, what a blessing it is that there is so much water around me to quench my thirst." He quirked an eyebrow. "As an intellectual, I took the smart road less traveled by, yet ideally the most convenient."

Keith and Lance stared at him, then laughed. 

"Hunk wins."

* * *

"Hey, I just started a Vine account."

"Really?! Can I come over and help?"

A hint of a smile came on his face. "Yeah, sure."

His grin widened. "It's a date."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to anyone who knows where the Petrude reference comes from


End file.
